Elodie’s Compendium of Illustrated Search Terms, Volume II

Let’s lighten the mood in here with another Illustrated Compendium! All of these search terms are 100% genuine reasons why various people found my blog. What were they looking for? Did they ever find it? What do they want? Who are they? The following illustrations are my attempts to solve these mysteries. (For the interested and confused, partake of Elodie’s Illustrated Compendium of Search Terms Part One)

“A wild animal shouting is also tired”

a wild animal shouting is also tired

wild animals get cranky!

“marmot stares at boy”

 marmot stares at boy 1

marmot stares at boy 2

marmot stares at boy 3

.

.

“large animal covered with feathers and has sharp teeth”

large animal covered with feathers and has sharp teeth2j

WHY ARE YOU GOOGLING THIS INSTEAD OF RUNNING

.

.

“my husband’s boss removed my bra and drank my boobsmilk”

husband's boss

husband's boss2

husband's boss3

The House of Glass was upset about this for the whole day.

.

“hunting buffalo that are dead”

not the oddest request we've gotten

not the oddest request we’ve gotten

.

“children don’t like science”

THAT CAN BE UNDERSTANDABLE

SOMETIMES THAT CAN BE UNDERSTANDABLE

.

“Balloon dog made of glass”

I CAN DO THAT

blowing it up was the difficult part

blowing it up was the difficult part

.

“tale of a little dinosaur”

the little dinosaur had come to a big new place.

the little dinosaur had come to a big new place.

there the little dinosaur found a pot of chocolate.

It had never seen such a fine pot of chocolate.

unexpected results! Yet entirely understandable...

unexpected results! Yet entirely understandable…

.

“flatchested women who breastfeed nose”

got halfway through drawing this, then stopped

got halfway through drawing this, then got sad

.

“letter of application of knight of the round table”

and

“how to write a letter of application of knight of the round table”

This is a very important question, so I am producing a sample letter.

This is a very important question, so I am producing a sample letter.

Dear Sir or Dame,

Enclosed please find my completed application for the position of Knight of the Round Table. It would be my great pleasure to be considered for this position.

I am an excellent candidate for this position, as I have a B.Kn in Rough Combat and a Master’s Degree in the Finer Arts of Chivalry, with a special concentration in Lute-Playing and Courtly Romance. I also possess my own equipment, including a high-quality customized helm and suit of armor. I have excellent interpersonal communication skills, as demonstrated by my research project on Damsel Wooing. I would bring also bring significant questing experience to the Round Table, as well as useful carpentry skills – my work-study program focused on the Construction and Repair of Various Tables. My extensive CV details the responsibilities I have taken on for each project, and my attached letters of reference will testify to my strong leadership abilities.

On a more personal note, it has always been my dearest ambition to be the first Knight of the Round Table who is also a Dragon or Saurus. As a female Lesser Salamandrasaurus, a bipedal reptilian who can withstand enormous amounts of heat and flame, I am aware that interspecies tensions have existed between my kind and the Knighthood dating back to the Misunderstanding of St George. As a scholar and warrior, I believe that the time has come for a female Saurian in a position of power and responsibility, and I am strongly convinced that my abilities will be recognized by the Round Table. My experience and attributes would be incredibly useful to the Round Table Quests, as well as promoting diversity and fostering peace.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best Regards,

Safa ba Salamandra, Knight

.

“why is color so important to knights”

Because knights predetermine the outcome of jousts and tournaments by analyzing the complementarity of their colorful regalia.

Because knights are fashion-forward.

.

“science of the silly people”

have you MET scientists?

have you MET scientists?

.

“the life of elodie”

.

Feel like this on the inside....

Feel like this on the inside….

dress like this on the outside...

dress like this on the outside…

and then just

make it look natural

Some search terms I’m not going to address:

one example

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19 thoughts on “Elodie’s Compendium of Illustrated Search Terms, Volume II

  1. I just wish I’d seen your Knight letter before I wrote my first ever covering letter….

    I really hope that ‘my boss drank my breastmilk’ thing didn’t happen. And yet I fear it did.

  2. Oh DEAR!
    I really don’t know what it is about your Illustrated Search Term Posts that make me crack up as fast as almost nothing else can do.
    No later than the staring Marmot picture was I sent into fits of giggles and gasping and falling halfway off my chair. And might I add, what a terrifying kind of marmot do we have here? Truly…mesmerising. But not in a good way.

    Lovely as I find the appearance of Dr. Glass as a Science Monster, the occasion isn’t much so. Seriously, wtf?

    Apart from that, I can’t comment on every picture specifically because it would again just be a mess of “Ohmygoood this is great how come you have this many wonderful ideas why are you so funny why are there always boobs everywhere what does the deer do in this bar and your life oh my god Elodie’s life I can’t even perfect from both the inside and the outside and owls!” and yeah, I don’t want that.

      • Oh, well.
        And that even though I don’t even know Dr Glass. :’D
        But to be honest, it was only here that I realised that Science Monster is supposed to be you. What made me think so was the “The House of Glass was upset about this”, because it wouldn’t make sense if the pictures weren’t actually of the Glasses, and the framed picture on the left side of your header which I just supposed shows you two.
        But really, how did he not regognise this with your superior MS Paint skills?!?!1!

  3. The best scientists are the silly ones, especially those who draw cartoons about wacky search terms.

    I think some of these would make great titles for a really surreal story, particularly ‘marmot stares at boy’.

  4. Delightful. I especially like “how to write a letter of application of knight of the round table” because you provide a visual + a practical form letter for said. So good of you to be so thorough. ;-)

  5. Your little dinosaur is the cutest! I want mroe tiny dinosaurs. :D Also, I love your Knight of the Round Table application letter – that’s awesome too.

    Of course, I needed those to cheer me up after the story about her husband’s boss. ;_;

  6. Also, this might be somewhat random, but I coincidentally found out yesterday what the “rosa Beeren” from the last Illustrated Search Terms post really are – they’re not, as I assumed, just pink berries (although that’s the literal translations), but (one of) the German name(s) of the schinus terebinthifolius, which also has quite a few English names, fancy thing that it is. The more you know!

  7. I just love the fact that google thinks there is “normal science”! Also, your dragon outfit is stunning! Me want!

    And as for the flatchested breastfeeding? Who is poor concerned person who thinks that a baby’s nose will be squished upwards if the woman’s boobs are small? Ugh.

  8. I really need to stop reading hilarious things like this at night – especially the application letter – because my roommate/flatmate sleeps in the room next to mine and might wake up if I laugh too loudly.

    The little dinosaur is adorable.

    As for the “big breasts are supposed to be a Good Thing but women’s clothes are designed for smallmedium-sized ones”: WORD. Especially bikini tops.

  9. Pingback: Guest Post: Illustrated Compendium Of Search Terms [Elodie] | Memetic Drift

  10. I just want to say that trawling the archives here has rescued me from quiet-information-desk-induced boredom. People search for such strange and disturbing things, but it’s okay now because they have spawned Tiny Dinosaur!!! Tiny Dinosaur is GREAT.

    • Thank you so much! It’s really lovely to hear from you, and I’ve enjoyed looking at your blog as well.

      I’m looking forward to slowing down soon and spending more time blogging. Hopefully you won’t have to trawl too deeply for too much longer.

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